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| There have come across many times in my life when inspiration has struck in such a way that I just feel like writing about it. Even when I know nobody (that I know of) will read it, actually that probably makes it more valuable to me in a sense. Unfortunately, those times are almost never when I'm near a computer, or when I think to write it down.
I also never look back to my previous posts, mostly because I'm embarrassed of what I have once written. I think a lot of problems when you look back seem very trivial, and having to face a record of an awkward time when you were dealing with 'x' problem in 'y' way makes you see how foolish you were when you were younger. But this is a good sign, because if it did not seem foolish chances are you also did not grow at all from it. I would really like to disown everything I've written before this however and start anew.
I've also thought about starting a theme oriented blog, with a specific purpose, but lauded at the notion very soon afterwards because I'm not passionate enough about any specific thing ENOUGH to warrant a full on blog about it. I'm passionate about my life it seems, because that's all I ever seem to think about, so this will have to suffice. Oh, that reminds me of my climbing blog that I don't update anymore. Well, long story short I hurt myself at the comp, and I hurt myself in bishop. So I had to take a long break from climbing, and coming back to it I'm far less psyched about it. I still enjoy it, but not with the fervent passion that I initially had, I suppose it's like that with most people, and not just with climbing either.
Need to get this stupid assignment done. | | |
| I sent my first 5.11 a. Respect.
My classes are sweet. Having 12 credits is sweet.
My classes are cockfests.
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| I don't know if other college students home for the holidays feel the same way, but its been much more difficult these past few years to really get into the festivities and take in that holiday Christmas spirit. I suspect it's due to the fact that time feels like it flows incredibly different for somebody who keeps track of time as "school days" and "weekends" and "omg shit fuck test week" When this all over, we're rewarded with a brief week or two to return to that whichever place from whence we came, and spend time with our families (whether this is good or bad is up to you).
A long time ago I had a lot of friends who all got along great, did everything together, and all shared the common ambition and goal of not knowing what the hell was going on or what to do, but that slowly we'd all color the vague journey into something a little more coherent. Ironically it's this same journey that we all supposedly embarked upon together that separates us. I don't know where all that came from but I think it has a lame type of charm to it so I won't delete it.
My grades were alright this quarter, not great but much better. Now that I've finally realized that I'm at my limit for Chem, I'm never taking another Chem class again. Thank god p Chem was only worth 3 credits. Suffice to say I got a 4.0 in a 5 credit class. So, at least I've confirmed that I'm not stupid. Anyhow it's nice not having the feeling of dread followed by days of misery and angst like previous quarters.
Several of my old friends now suffer from pre-mature aging, or 'slow-death.' It's a phenomenon where a friend has somehow managed to get himself trapped into a relationship with a girl who molds all individuality and soul out of the poor chap. It's sad but they're happy and I don't know how I should feel about it. I swear there's a vince vaughn movie about this shit. Then again, I should view each on an individual basis. They're my friends afterall, so they deserve that much. There's always going to be some kind of jealousy from me towards the relationship as the core influence which robbed me of my friend in the first place, and a subconscious longing for that bond which I can only imagine as blissful submission; a stable pillar to fall on in wake of all your other insecurities and failures. | | |
| "the theme of unrequited love suggests that to truly know the object of our desire is to desanctify the allure that gives our fantasy its power"
The quarter's coming to an end, I'm going to be done with classes exactly a week from now, and I'm pretty excited to get a break. Not so excited for my upcoming exams though, this quarter's gone a lot better for me than last fall quarter...which isn't saying much but it's good to know I'm going in the proper direction (up).
I like my new living situation a lot better, since there's three people on the second floor and three people on the bottom, we're separated a lot so we don't really get in each others' faces like we used to last year. My room's much more spacious with, I kid you not, one of the BEST views of Seattle you can possibly have, and you can chill out on the roof. It get's a lot of sunlight too, so it's pretty warm here during the day (yes during the winter).
I got Brandon and Autumn into climbing, and I'm pretty psyched for them. The last few times we've gone it's pretty much been..."Matt how do you do this" *flash/onsight* and they desperately try to use my beta to do the moves to do whatever boulder problem...it really reminds me of back when I had to 'project' pathetic things like V0. Although I climb a lot easier when we all go, I climb for WAY longer than I'm used to, so I feel like I'm still getting stronger.
The moments that really shine are when your fear, confidence, strength and mind all come together are truly the ones I'll take to the grave. | | |
| I hate it when people vote for presidential candidates purely on the basis that the respective party is most closely affiliated with their own religious beliefs.
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